I Don't Know Where I'm Going From Here. But I Promise it Won't Be Boring.

- quote from David Bowie

Trigger Warning: This blog discusses difficult topics such as depression and imposter syndrome.

Dear Reader,

You know this. You don’t need me to remind you. But I’m going to anyway. What you are seeing on social media - even from businesses - is the highlight reel. It’s the positive customer review. It’s the best photo out of 16 selfies. It’s the success story - after a hundred failures.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately.

Over the last few months, as I’m meeting more people out in person for coffee or lunch, I am met with the same response: “You are killing it!” or “Every time I see one of your posts, I think, ‘You go girl.’” And there has been at least one person, upon picking up her copy of my book that she pre-ordered, who very honestly shared, “I seriously didn’t think you would make it.” To which I laughed and replied, “You know what? Me neither.”

It’s not lost on me how fortunate and lucky I am. In 2020, I often danced around the question, “How’s business?” when asked. I had a lot to be grateful for and I knew it. My team had grown. I exceeded my sales goals - by a lot. I took a salary for the first time in three years. Oh, and I published a book.

But here’s the thing. That was the highlight reel. This is what you didn’t see:

I learned the hard way that my “hands-off” approach to management will cost me a lot of money.

I exchanged heated words with a client who called me names that were sexist and untrue.

Old friends, old contacts, and old flames came out of nowhere on social media requesting free advice, wanting my time, and sometimes more.

I was ghosted by a person I had been dating for two months; that same week, I was ghosted by one of my contractors who I had known for over a year.

I refused to read my book (still haven’t) for fear that I will hate the final product, and there is nothing I can do about it.

And as I’ve been sharing my story - in magazine articles or podcasts - I’ve been asked the one question I hate answering: “What made me decide to become an entrepreneur?” The “what” was a who. An ex-boyfriend who had been a part of my life for over three years. The more I talked about him, I thought, the easier it would be to bear the loss of our relationship.

If anything, it made it harder.

Yes, things looked rosy on social media. Because that’s what we do. For survival. For comfort. Who am I to complain when others have had it so much worse? Yet the more I hear “You are a rock star boss these days!” the more of a fraud I feel.

Here’s what I hope you remember: whether you see that perfect business, perfect baby, perfect wedding, perfect all-inclusive trip to Barbados - just remember that it’s one side of a story. It can be incredibly lonely running a business. Babies cry. Weddings bring out family drama. And there are jellyfish in Barbados.

Share the good. We all need to see those bright spots in our feeds. But don’t be afraid to share the bad as well. It doesn’t make you any less of a rock star. If anything, it makes you more of one.

- Cassandra