Gratitude is a Practice. And not for Everyone.

Anyone who knows me well (or reads my blog with any regularity) knows that I’m a big fan of meditation and yoga and burning incense and saging my house when the energy is feeling kind of bleh. However, practicing gratitude is not something that I was brought up with. I don’t remember any Thanksgiving dinner where we were asked to go around and say something we were grateful for. Instead, we were more focused on the next course (yes, there are multiple courses in an Italian Thanksgiving), and if anyone needed more wine (someone always needs more wine).

As I got older and spent Thanksgiving with in-laws or friends and experienced other holiday traditions, I became incredibly nervous when we went around the table to say what we were grateful for. What was the right thing to say? What was I grateful for? It wasn’t a natural concept for me, and so I typically placated the audience with being grateful for “friendship” or “family” and I usually added Max in there as well (that was a no-brainer).

I was grateful for those things, but I didn’t know what it meant to be grateful. They were just a natural part of my life, something I never really thought about. It was like when they make you read To Kill a Mockingbird when you’re in High School, and you get it, you like it (or maybe you don’t). But it’s not until you’re an adult and you revisit the text that you find your heart aching and reaching for the tissues as you turn the final few pages (true story).

Although I grasped at straws and had a difficult time finding gratitude for one dinner when I was younger, now it has become a part of my daily habits. Mostly because I know how dark the world can be. Not all friendships having staying power, not even family members. People and places and feelings shift in and out of our focus as we get older and sometimes they disappear completely. Recognizing the fragility of this, gives light to our ability to be grateful.

Perhaps that’s why, as I have gotten older, when I have clarity of mind, I sit down and write a list of everything that I am grateful for instead of listing all the reasons I am incredibly frustrated and annoyed with the world.

And that can be as simple as starting with: I have my health. I have a working car. I have a roof over my head. Those are not small things.

If you are struggling with the gratitude question this Thanksgiving, start with what’s in front of you (no, not the sweet potatoes. Although… that’s a fair thing to be grateful for). Start with being grateful for here and now. We are only on this spinning rock for a short time and all of the elements that come across our path is a gift in one way or another.

And if you just can’t do it - if you can’t say, “I am grateful for…” and mean it, then maybe a cultural shift will help. Pick up To Kill a Mockingbird. Then let’s chat.